Long emo post

I missed the performance today. The thing is, I'm one of the performers.

I came down with high fever yesterday. With 6 hours of dancing, all that sweat and aircon were bound to do me some harm. I should have known better damn it.

I must say when I was first told that we were going to perform a girls' dance (and a very girly one at that, it's Gee btw...), I thought of quitting the performance, and felt very reluctant to learn the dance. But at one point in time during the rehearsals, I realized it didn't matter anymore. I just put all my heart and soul in memorizing all the steps and perfecting every little detail, simple because this is probably the only chance I ever get to perform for CJ. But in the end, just because I couldn't take care of my own health properly...

So dance rehearsals aside, all my preparations were for nothing. The breakfast I set aside for this morning so that I would be dancing with a full stomach, the CJ dancer shirt I washed, dried and ironed last night to wear for the performance...all that...

I feel so bad now. The CJ dancer shirt has always been my prized possession, something I wear with much much pride. Now I feel like I don't deserve it now. To me and everyone else at CJ, it's more than just a red shirt. It's an identity, a proud and loud "I'm from CJ!" to everyone who sees the shirt. I don't feel like I want to wear it, at least for now...

Damn. I was going to hang out with CJ people after the performance too. I was going to ask Yinah to teach me Ring Ding Dong parts too.

I don't know what I'm going to do for today since I set aside the whole of today for the performance. I feel like just stoning around in my room doing nothing. I don't have any appetite either....