Love-hate relationship

I hate RJ Streets because I failed their audition (not their fault that I didn't make it, but oh well...). But I love them for being so awesome. Every time I watch their performances, I'm like "ZOMG so cool", and like them even more. And hate them even more for not accepting me. The same thing happened today at DanceWorks. Best RJStreets performance I've ever seen. I love RJStreets. I hate them just as much.

Fascinations

Suddenly I feel damn silly and delusional haha. Waited for her to go online to have a chat, tried so hard to add on IM. In the end it was for nothing. She did come online, just didn't talk to me. Ah well, forget it, I'm looking forward to dance class tomorrow

Reflection on myself, for myself

Skip this entry unless...oh well whatever. I don't really care. Be prepared for vulgar stuffs as I'm going all-out and not doing self-censorship in anyway this entry

Just wtf is wrong with me. After 2 years in an all-boy environment, I had anticipated I would go sort of "wild" in a co-ed school, with female OGmates, classmates, CCA-mates, and even school-mates. But seriously, now I feel fucked up. Friends have been telling I'm being damn creepy and stalker-ish. I've been brushing it away as a joke and stuffs, and saying I've always been the type to feel more attracted to girls than most guys do. But honestly, I feel the same way as my friends. I feel like a fucking stalker. And even enjoyed it. Shamefully. I don't get what I'm doing anymore. Showing off to friends that I borrowed this "ideal-for-stalking" camera lens? That's fucked up. The last feek weeks, I've been spending my free time stalking girls on FB and almost even bookmarked their photos. And I was almost proud of it and even bragged about it to friends. I must be damn creepy, because even I myself get scared. Shit. I feel like a loser too. Went to DF, nearly eagerly looking out for girls I usually stalk, wondering how they would have looked in their non-uniform clothings. Tried so hard to get a good seat during lectures, good seat meaning one with uninterrupted views of the girls I was stalking. Same for meals at canteen. Maybe I should stop writing out all the stalking I've done. I'm feeling more disgusted of myself than enough already. Fuck.... Right now I hate myself. And feel disgusted. And scared. And worst of all, I can't run away from myself.......