Reflection on myself, for myself

Skip this entry unless...oh well whatever. I don't really care. Be prepared for vulgar stuffs as I'm going all-out and not doing self-censorship in anyway this entry

Just wtf is wrong with me. After 2 years in an all-boy environment, I had anticipated I would go sort of "wild" in a co-ed school, with female OGmates, classmates, CCA-mates, and even school-mates. But seriously, now I feel fucked up. Friends have been telling I'm being damn creepy and stalker-ish. I've been brushing it away as a joke and stuffs, and saying I've always been the type to feel more attracted to girls than most guys do. But honestly, I feel the same way as my friends. I feel like a fucking stalker. And even enjoyed it. Shamefully. I don't get what I'm doing anymore. Showing off to friends that I borrowed this "ideal-for-stalking" camera lens? That's fucked up. The last feek weeks, I've been spending my free time stalking girls on FB and almost even bookmarked their photos. And I was almost proud of it and even bragged about it to friends. I must be damn creepy, because even I myself get scared. Shit. I feel like a loser too. Went to DF, nearly eagerly looking out for girls I usually stalk, wondering how they would have looked in their non-uniform clothings. Tried so hard to get a good seat during lectures, good seat meaning one with uninterrupted views of the girls I was stalking. Same for meals at canteen. Maybe I should stop writing out all the stalking I've done. I'm feeling more disgusted of myself than enough already. Fuck.... Right now I hate myself. And feel disgusted. And scared. And worst of all, I can't run away from myself.......