It hurts me so much I want to cry, that even I think you two would make the perfect couple

You know when a guy and a girl meet each others and get along very well, this third guy will just appear out of nowhere and try to get in the way of the hero, and probably will get beaten in the end?
Well I'm that third guy

I've wanted to write this down for so long but never had the courage to

amidst this fleeting happiness is jealousy

Gotta write this down somewhere before it eats me from the inside. I miss you pretty darn much right now :(. I know you're there but you can't talk to me and you said you're a little busy . I have more trust in you more than in anyone else but I still can't help but get the feeling that you're just being nice to me and I'm really bothering you.
I wish we had more chances to talk and hang out together :(, I'm jealous.........

I wish you knew how sad you make me when you don't reply to my texts :(
I'm missing you so much right now

It's funny how a past crush turned into a close friend haha :D. Life is full of interesting things

but it's ok, I feel content because I know you're happy :)

How many more times must I let the opportunity slip before I truly realize life doesn't give second chances?

you went to me prolly because he's not online right :)?

Is it that obvious? Do they know?

I know you're there, but I don't dare to reach out to you D:

OK. STOP and think RATIONALLY

So I might have bothered or made her mad last friday because of my obsession with photos

Therefore, I'm going to apologize to her, sincerely, face to face next tuesday

That's the plan

Phew, it's easy to breathe once again

I felt really stressed when I saw you online, wondering if I should talk to you.

But when you logged off I realized you were just checking your mails and you're going to bed :). I have this warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing you're sleeping early and getting a good rest for tomorrow :)

I realized how much I care about you and I feel stupid for even thinking of giving up

I'd do anything to return things to the way they were before, because your silence kills me every time

saw your name on the screen again and I just froze

I can't believe I call them my friends

I'm jealous at the way they can talk without saying anything
I fear they're more than just friends

my mind feels damn chaotic now. I'm feeling fear like never before and possibilities just keep running through my mind. I feel like crying now but I'm in a room with 5 other guys
I want someone to talk to
I want to talk to her, but I guess she always already has someone to talk to
I feel neglected and left out

I'm amazed at how good I am at faking emotions and pretending everything's ok

calm down, take a deep breath

have faith

something's wrong, I know it. I can feel it in the way she talks D:

I'm scared

I'm really scared

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time"

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now"

"Cos I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"

Often I really wonder if I'm bothering you

it feels as if I'm looking at you through a fence. I see and know you're there, but I don't want to call out to you, knowing you're busy

With love comes jealousy

Whatever you do, don't screw this one up dude, I think she's the one

Dying in front of the comp screen waiting for you to go online. But I hope you go to sleep early tonight, class camp must have been tiring

can't chat with you until Friday. Maybe it's a good thing with CTs starting tomorrow, but it's killing me D:

Wondering

I'm wondering if I'm taking it for granted, the fact that you've been chatting with me almost every night
I'm wondering if I'm bothering you, and you're only chatting with me out of obligation
I'm wondering if those are signs that you care about me too, or it's just them chemicals screwing with my logic...

And I wonder what you really meant when you said "less than three~" as goodbye...

I want to scream out loud that I miss you right now
And I'm jealous because they're having a sleepover at your house D:

got to hang out with you and your friends today. I think I'm overjoyed haha. But now that I'm back at home I'm missing you again. I wish I talked to you more today. I tried my best to muster my courage and talked to you when we were together, but you looked really tired so I didn't want to bother you too much... I want you to go online now so we can chat but I don't want you to sleep too late either. Oh wait you're having a sleepover with your friends so you probably won't be sleeping tonight xD. I hope I see you in school tomorrow :)

after just talking for a while and I almost forgot what had made me so freaking stressed the whole day :)

I think this is real, cos you gave me a heart attack just by walking past

I just watched Replay's dance again. Rino Nakasone's choreograph is just godlike T.T, I was trembling, on the verge of tearing even...so deeply moved by the dance...

Orientations and stuff

I randomly decided to pull n all-nighter today so I decided I'd update my blog. A 5-day holiday is ahead so I won't have problems catching up on sleep

Too lazy to check what's missing in between this entry and and the last, so I'll just write what's been happening recently. And in case I sound like I'm upset/unhappy, I'm not.

Dam I feel old. Suddenly all the kids at RI are now, what, in J1??? Like wtf? No matter how I don't want to acknowledge that fact, I'm in my last year in RI, already in the last leg of the journey. As much as I look forward to the freedom after JC (I'm gonna highlight my hair hur hur hur), I dread the A levels exams that will inevitably come before it. But I'm gonna face it like a man, because I now have a newfound goal to work in Japan (would prefer to study uni there but the language barrier is in the way), and an unbreakable resolve to strive towards it.

----- Just ate a few tuna sandwiches and totally forgot about writing this, guess I'll just skip to the next part...

So Orientation is here. I'l say it, I still feel jealous of my OGL friends. But covering Orientation as part of photog has its on perks too, so I guess I'm fine. This brings me to something rather unrelated. I had lunch with Miin the other day. Didn't really tell anyone, I guess my friends will start screaming and making dirty jokes if I tell them. Whatever. I'm still sort of trying to figure out what kind of person she is, but I think she's a nice girl. It's just that her aggressive personality probably gave her a lot of enemies, hence that rumor about her since last year. But still, I can't really understand what kind of person she is. At times she'll totally ignore me when I say hi to her, at times she'll tap on my shoulder from the back and say hi. Last time she was really nice to me, lending me money for lunch (gah cashless me) and lending me her phone. But it could just have been a front since she didn't want to have lunch alone or something. Like that time when she asked me to nominate for her for photog exco. You know, just being nice to someone because they're useful for the time being. Or maybe she's one of those people who are really nice, but only to their friends. Guess I shouldn't make any assumptions. I'm not interested in her or anything, but I'm just really curious since she's one of those "high profile" people in school and ever since that rumor I've wanted to know what kind of person she really is. And if she happens to actually be a nice person, then having another friend won't hurt.

Ok, moving on to dance. Just performed the other day in Boarding's CNY celebration. Made a few mistakes on stage, but honestly that was better than what I had expected since the performance was really rushed. I only had one practice sessions to learn all the Sorry Sorry moves and I was still screwing up even at the rehearsals right before the actually performance. Meh. And I've started taking class at CJ again. After the one year absence it feels wonderful to step into the studio and dance my heart out again. Taking advanced class this time, because the beginner class that year was just, well, slow. This time it's challenging, but just nice. Now going to CJ feels even more exciting hehe. I'm thinking of choreographing my own dances too. Right now two songs I have in mind are beautiful from B2ST and Se7en's Crazy. I think I'll start with choreographing part of the dance first. I'll just use what Eve taught me at CJ and add my own choreography to it for Beautiful. Then it'll be my own choreography for Crazy, woo hoo!! And of course I'll be cutting the songs down, not gonna try choreographing full songs yet because I don't think I'll have time. It'll prbaly be something like intro-verse-chorus-bridge-end....I feel like dancing just thinking about this hohoho

It's 4:40am...hmm what to do now...